Cheez-It(tm)

The purpose of this entry is simple: to memorialize my bold and controversial assertion that Cheez-It is simply the best snack cracker out there.

It’s a strange thing. I like crackers in general, I suppose, but to no great degree. Cheese is okay too, though again, I’m not crazy about it. Put them together, however, and I am presented with this snack cracker second to none. Sure, the serving container isn’t anything special and the idea that there is no plural to “Cheez-It” is unsettling to the faint-of-heart. But that’s part of the appeal: Cheez-It is all business. It doesn’t waste time with gussied-up packaging or fancy slogans; it’s just a damn good snack cracker. The cracker speaks for itself.

Now you might think this an unhealthy obsession with snack food. You’d be wrong, though. In a 27-cracker serving size, Cheez-It offers 4g of protein and some calcium to boot, at a paltry 160 calories; all that as well as great taste. Furthermore, I would suggest to you that STALE Cheez-It still maintains a tasty edge over 95% of the snack crackers out there. It’s THAT good.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention a couple of cautions when it comes to Cheez-It. First of all, only the original will do. None of this Mountain Jack flavor or bigger-sized Cheez-It. Neither can match the original taste and convenience of the real thing. Avoid reduced-fat Cheez-It at all costs. Second, it is inadvisable to mow down half a box at 3:00 in the morning after a night of drinking. Take it from me, it may seem like a good idea at the time, but you’ll pay for it the next day. The resulting after-taste defies description, and not in a good way.

Other than those cautions, you should find Cheez-It a fulfilling and rewarding experience. I leave you with one last message in its regard.

And as for Fig Newtons(tm) being the supreme fruit-filled cookie on the market, that is a topic for another day…

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